I feel like an apology is long due. I did apologize individually to some people, but the fact is that I have the power to use this blog for good or for bad, to build up or to tear down. I chose the latter, and I very much regret it. This blog shouldn't be an outlet for my anger. I should take my concerns to God and He should be the one to ease my distress, but I chose to take things into my own hands, and that is pride. While I think that some things I said were taken the wrong way, even though I didn't intend them to be offensive, the fact that they were taken that way shows that I should never have done it in the first place.
I also want to let everyone know that I regretted my last post within minutes, and I planned to delete it as soon as I had a chance, but it wasn't soon enough and people saw it. I am deeply sorry for that. I forgot that if I am angry at someone, I shouldn't blame an entire group of people, especially when I have so much respect for the rest of the group of people. Since I often work with children or teens, I have been told often not to single people out when I want to address something, but I really disagree with that now. Blaming a whole group for one person doesn't do any good.
I talked to a close friend about my guilt, and he recommended that I have someone else look over all my blog posts before I publish them, so I don't post anything I will regret later. I have taken his advice to heart.
So I've taken a month to evaluate and learn more about myself. And I discovered that I am really passionate about peace and justice, abhorring injustice and division. I do realize that I am a completely unfair person at times, that I do create drama and discord. I hope to change that, especially during this Lenten season.
But God gave me a passion for justice and unity for a reason.
So here's what I've decided to do. I've been wondering about creating a new blog for some time now. I am going to stop writing on this one, and my new blog is going to be based on Catholic Social Teaching, ecumenism, and maybe even interreligious dialogue. I love CST, which one of my mentors calls "Catholicism's Best-Kept Secret." I also have written two major papers about the ecumenical movement: one about Catholic-Anglican efforts and one about reconciling the differences between the Catholic and Orthodox creeds.
I hope to start this blog as soon as possible, kicking it off right during the season of Lent. I'm just searching for a good title right now, so if anyone has any suggestions, I would really appreciate it. If I hear no other suggestions, I'm going to go with "Think - Pray - Act".
So, again, I am very sorry to anyone I have offended or alienated. I didn't intend that at all, I was just venting my anger, but I never should have said what I did. I know nothing can take back what I said, so I ask for forgiveness and for prayers for God's grace to keep me from ever doing this again.
Sincerely,
Lolly
Sunday, March 25, 2012
Friday, August 5, 2011
Life is too precious to waste on this garbage
Dear TLC,
I'm not sure whether to thank you or to be extremely frustrated with you. So I hastily write this letter that you will likely never see, to get out my anger and, hopefully, to encourage others to watch your network with a cautious and wary eye.
First of all, a child is a PERSON, not an accessory. Yet time and time again I find shows on your network that treat precious human beings as mere objects. For example, just two such shows that activate my gag reflex are Toddlers and Tiaras and Dance Moms. I want to ask those mothers: what are you teaching your child about respect--self respect and respect of elders? Instead of chasing your own dreams for your child, why don't you let them have their own dreams? Why are you so obsessed with having them live a life you want for them, instead of letting them listen to their own hearts? When you challenge the authority of their teachers and instructors, what are you telling them about authority?
And what about Jon and Kate Plus Eight--or now just Kate Plus Eight? They do have such an interesting story, but I wonder how much turmoil constant camera crews and fame created in their home--and how much of that led to the divorce. Now, a single woman is left to care for eight children who are all around the same age. I can't even imagine the pain of infertility so I don't want to sound judgmental, but sometimes I wonder if the desire to have children is, for some people, a good desire twisted into something selfish. Those children often end up treated as a parent's objects and not like the precious souls that they are. Many times I see myself frustrated even watching A Baby Story when I see even more children that are objectified, not welcomed, by their parents.
Also, a marriage is a holy sacramental union of two people with God in the most beautiful way, but your shows have reduced it to a day-long (or more) showing off of an expensive dress and the amount of money a couple is willing to spend at one time. The wedding ceremony often becomes a joke, or it focuses way more on the event than the actual beauty of marriage. Viewers pay more attention to the quality of the food at a reception or the decorations of the venue than the love the bride and groom have for each other (if, in fact, it is even there). I understand that unfortunately not everyone views marriage as I do--two people united before God--but even the love and the intimacy of marriage is lost to the wedding day. You even take it to the all-time low of "competing" for who can have the best wedding--as if you could measure the quality of a marriage by the amount of glamour of the wedding day!
And what in the world does TLC stand for? It once was The Learning Channel, but I'm not sure what I have learned from watching TLC, other than what kind of shoes to wear with a $200 pair of jeans (thank you What Not to Wear). How is anything on your network educational? I'm not saying everything is bad. I enjoy watching Cake Boss from time to time, and I have seen some truly inspiring stories on other programs. I do also love the Duggar family and commend them for raising their children the way they do. However, I know that you can make a quick buck off of reality-style TV and I'm sure that's your real motivation behind most series--plus you know the shock factor of shows such as My Strange Addiction is (ironically) addictive and keeps people watching.
Finally, as I said in the beginning, maybe I should thank you. By showing me all of the horrible things going on in our society, I have resolved that, God willing I should be a mother, I will raise my children to be individuals and valued for who they are as people. I will not place so much emphasis on my wedding but rather on my marriage, and I will not become so wrapped up in materialism that I miss out on the important things in life. Nevertheless, I will not thank you for the thousands of other people who watch your channel and, God forbid, become like those very people you exploit and put on display for America to either accept or reject.
Sincerely,
Watching No More
P.S. I know I have probably not watched enough TLC to accurately form a judgement, but I would rather not waste my time and frustration any more than I have.
I'm not sure whether to thank you or to be extremely frustrated with you. So I hastily write this letter that you will likely never see, to get out my anger and, hopefully, to encourage others to watch your network with a cautious and wary eye.
First of all, a child is a PERSON, not an accessory. Yet time and time again I find shows on your network that treat precious human beings as mere objects. For example, just two such shows that activate my gag reflex are Toddlers and Tiaras and Dance Moms. I want to ask those mothers: what are you teaching your child about respect--self respect and respect of elders? Instead of chasing your own dreams for your child, why don't you let them have their own dreams? Why are you so obsessed with having them live a life you want for them, instead of letting them listen to their own hearts? When you challenge the authority of their teachers and instructors, what are you telling them about authority?
And what about Jon and Kate Plus Eight--or now just Kate Plus Eight? They do have such an interesting story, but I wonder how much turmoil constant camera crews and fame created in their home--and how much of that led to the divorce. Now, a single woman is left to care for eight children who are all around the same age. I can't even imagine the pain of infertility so I don't want to sound judgmental, but sometimes I wonder if the desire to have children is, for some people, a good desire twisted into something selfish. Those children often end up treated as a parent's objects and not like the precious souls that they are. Many times I see myself frustrated even watching A Baby Story when I see even more children that are objectified, not welcomed, by their parents.
Also, a marriage is a holy sacramental union of two people with God in the most beautiful way, but your shows have reduced it to a day-long (or more) showing off of an expensive dress and the amount of money a couple is willing to spend at one time. The wedding ceremony often becomes a joke, or it focuses way more on the event than the actual beauty of marriage. Viewers pay more attention to the quality of the food at a reception or the decorations of the venue than the love the bride and groom have for each other (if, in fact, it is even there). I understand that unfortunately not everyone views marriage as I do--two people united before God--but even the love and the intimacy of marriage is lost to the wedding day. You even take it to the all-time low of "competing" for who can have the best wedding--as if you could measure the quality of a marriage by the amount of glamour of the wedding day!
And what in the world does TLC stand for? It once was The Learning Channel, but I'm not sure what I have learned from watching TLC, other than what kind of shoes to wear with a $200 pair of jeans (thank you What Not to Wear). How is anything on your network educational? I'm not saying everything is bad. I enjoy watching Cake Boss from time to time, and I have seen some truly inspiring stories on other programs. I do also love the Duggar family and commend them for raising their children the way they do. However, I know that you can make a quick buck off of reality-style TV and I'm sure that's your real motivation behind most series--plus you know the shock factor of shows such as My Strange Addiction is (ironically) addictive and keeps people watching.
Finally, as I said in the beginning, maybe I should thank you. By showing me all of the horrible things going on in our society, I have resolved that, God willing I should be a mother, I will raise my children to be individuals and valued for who they are as people. I will not place so much emphasis on my wedding but rather on my marriage, and I will not become so wrapped up in materialism that I miss out on the important things in life. Nevertheless, I will not thank you for the thousands of other people who watch your channel and, God forbid, become like those very people you exploit and put on display for America to either accept or reject.
Sincerely,
Watching No More
P.S. I know I have probably not watched enough TLC to accurately form a judgement, but I would rather not waste my time and frustration any more than I have.
Saturday, July 16, 2011
We are missionaries!
I can't believe I haven't written since April. I believe that the time has come for a new post. It's been awhile since the first six weeks of my summer I spent as a summer missionary at a Life Teen camp called Covecrest in Georgia.
...Wow, what a loaded sentence. First of all, what the heck is Life Teen? What is Covecrest? What do you mean, you were a summer missionary? What did you do in six weeks that is worthy of calling you a missionary?
I hope that through the next few blog posts I can sort of explain what each of these things mean. For right now, I'm going to try to explain the whole "missionary" part.
I arrived at the Atlanta airport on May 15, 2011 to meet the summer missionaries at Camp Covecrest, not sure what to expect, but definitely not excited about the weeks to come. I was tired from getting up at 2:30 AM to catch a flight, I missed my boyfriend, and I didn't know a single person that I would be working with. I felt like this would be like a retreat where everyone would get really close to each other for a while and then we would all go home and barely speak again, or if we did it would be really fake and shallow. I didn't think anyone would understand me. Several times I was tempted to go to a ticket counter and buy a ticket back home, but I knew that I had already paid for a ticket home at the end of June so it would be a waste of money.
This all went on for about four hours. As I was sitting in a comfy chair reading a book, I noticed a college-aged girl walking toward me and looking at me. I was a little creeped out until she said, "Lorelle? Am I saying that right?" I knew it was another missionary so I nervously got up and said, "Hi! What's your name?" She replied, "I'm Shelby!" She gave me a big hug and we sat down and started talking. I felt so much better and said to myself, okay, you can do this.
As the weeks went on, I grew closer and closer to these people. Within a couple of days I felt right at home at Covecrest and the feeling that it was a bad idea went away. I soon realized that all those feelings came from the enemy, and he wanted to keep me away from Covecrest and its mission. All throughout my weeks there, the enemy kept trying to fill my head with lies, like lies that I couldn't let my guard down around my "brothers and sisters", that they were better at relational ministry than me, that they would all stay friends with each other after they left but would forget about me, and that I might as well forget about them.
This may sound really whiny and self-centered, but I want to show that God always wins. He showed me that each of these were lies. First of all, he showed that if I was vulnerable around my brothers and sisters, it would bring us closer together--it's not selfish to share yourself with someone; in fact, it's the exact opposite. Just because some of them were better at talking to teens than me, God showed me that we all have a part to play; my part was just less direct than theirs.
Also, I was beginning to feel that they didn't care about me at all (another lie). I discovered the truth when I had to go home for a couple of days for my great-aunt's funeral. Not only did my teens tell me they would miss me when I left, but when I came home to Covecrest, tons of people ran to me, giving me hugs and telling me they missed me so much. In fact, one of my missionary sisters even said "It just wasn't the same without you!" I was so touched that they missed me--it meant that I truly was a part of the team.
As for the question "So what did you do?" the best response I can give is the one I heard a missionary say: "We love on teens." And that's exactly what we did. When someone needed to talk about something, we made time for them. We spent every waking minute getting to know them, playing games with them, and hopefully showing them by example a life in Christ. We worked as a team to do God's work. We served them meals. We sat down with the teen who was all by herself and talked with her. And, most of all, we prayed like crazy for them, and when they left at the end of the week, we didn't want to part with them.
So, in short, what is a missionary? A missionary is simply someone who loves other people, and they love them so much that they want to bring them to Christ and help them get to heaven. We all are called to be missionaries. I was just lucky enough to officially have the title on my 12 t-shirts I got at camp. Missionaries can be sent into all sorts of fields--mine just happened to be a camp and the surrounding area of Northern Georgia. One of the greatest blessings of being a missionary there, though, was being surrounded by dozens of them and living in community with them.
Wow! So this is almost a month since I've been home and this is all I have. Hopefully more soon. I love you all, and please contact me with any prayer requests you might have--even if I don't know you I'll pray for you!
Love,
Lolly
...Wow, what a loaded sentence. First of all, what the heck is Life Teen? What is Covecrest? What do you mean, you were a summer missionary? What did you do in six weeks that is worthy of calling you a missionary?
I hope that through the next few blog posts I can sort of explain what each of these things mean. For right now, I'm going to try to explain the whole "missionary" part.
I arrived at the Atlanta airport on May 15, 2011 to meet the summer missionaries at Camp Covecrest, not sure what to expect, but definitely not excited about the weeks to come. I was tired from getting up at 2:30 AM to catch a flight, I missed my boyfriend, and I didn't know a single person that I would be working with. I felt like this would be like a retreat where everyone would get really close to each other for a while and then we would all go home and barely speak again, or if we did it would be really fake and shallow. I didn't think anyone would understand me. Several times I was tempted to go to a ticket counter and buy a ticket back home, but I knew that I had already paid for a ticket home at the end of June so it would be a waste of money.
This all went on for about four hours. As I was sitting in a comfy chair reading a book, I noticed a college-aged girl walking toward me and looking at me. I was a little creeped out until she said, "Lorelle? Am I saying that right?" I knew it was another missionary so I nervously got up and said, "Hi! What's your name?" She replied, "I'm Shelby!" She gave me a big hug and we sat down and started talking. I felt so much better and said to myself, okay, you can do this.
As the weeks went on, I grew closer and closer to these people. Within a couple of days I felt right at home at Covecrest and the feeling that it was a bad idea went away. I soon realized that all those feelings came from the enemy, and he wanted to keep me away from Covecrest and its mission. All throughout my weeks there, the enemy kept trying to fill my head with lies, like lies that I couldn't let my guard down around my "brothers and sisters", that they were better at relational ministry than me, that they would all stay friends with each other after they left but would forget about me, and that I might as well forget about them.
This may sound really whiny and self-centered, but I want to show that God always wins. He showed me that each of these were lies. First of all, he showed that if I was vulnerable around my brothers and sisters, it would bring us closer together--it's not selfish to share yourself with someone; in fact, it's the exact opposite. Just because some of them were better at talking to teens than me, God showed me that we all have a part to play; my part was just less direct than theirs.
Also, I was beginning to feel that they didn't care about me at all (another lie). I discovered the truth when I had to go home for a couple of days for my great-aunt's funeral. Not only did my teens tell me they would miss me when I left, but when I came home to Covecrest, tons of people ran to me, giving me hugs and telling me they missed me so much. In fact, one of my missionary sisters even said "It just wasn't the same without you!" I was so touched that they missed me--it meant that I truly was a part of the team.
As for the question "So what did you do?" the best response I can give is the one I heard a missionary say: "We love on teens." And that's exactly what we did. When someone needed to talk about something, we made time for them. We spent every waking minute getting to know them, playing games with them, and hopefully showing them by example a life in Christ. We worked as a team to do God's work. We served them meals. We sat down with the teen who was all by herself and talked with her. And, most of all, we prayed like crazy for them, and when they left at the end of the week, we didn't want to part with them.
So, in short, what is a missionary? A missionary is simply someone who loves other people, and they love them so much that they want to bring them to Christ and help them get to heaven. We all are called to be missionaries. I was just lucky enough to officially have the title on my 12 t-shirts I got at camp. Missionaries can be sent into all sorts of fields--mine just happened to be a camp and the surrounding area of Northern Georgia. One of the greatest blessings of being a missionary there, though, was being surrounded by dozens of them and living in community with them.
Wow! So this is almost a month since I've been home and this is all I have. Hopefully more soon. I love you all, and please contact me with any prayer requests you might have--even if I don't know you I'll pray for you!
Love,
Lolly
Friday, February 4, 2011
The Importance of Solitude
Hello readers.
This post is based on a talk I gave at a retreat recently. A very good friend of mine and I teamed up and gave this talk together, and I think it is one of the better ones I've ever done. I've never even heard of two people giving a talk together before, but we thought we would try it out. Ironically, it was about the importance of solitude--and we were doing it together. So this will be from my perspective, since I wouldn't feel comfortable giving her testimony (because, obviously, it's hers and not mine). I will, however, refer to the narrators in the plural first person, as the ideas are not solely mine but the themes we developed as a team.
So here we go: the importance of solitude.
"Fame! You’ll be famous as famous can be, with the whole wide world watching you win on TV.
Except when they don’t. Because, sometimes, they won’t.
I’m afraid that some times you’ll play lonely games too. Games you can’t win ‘cause you’ll play against you.
All Alone!
Whether you like it or not, Alone will be something you’ll be quite a lot.
And when you’re alone, there’s a very good chance you’ll meet things that scare you right out of your pants. There are some, down the road between hither and yon, that can scare you so much you won’t want to go on.
But on you will go though the weather be foul. On you will go though your enemies prowl. On you will go though the Hakken-Kraks howl. Onward up many a frightening creek, though your arms may get sore and your sneakers may leak. On and on you will hike. And I know you’ll hike far and face up to your problems whatever they are." (From "Oh, the Places You'll Go!" by Dr. Seuss)
“Language... has created the word "loneliness" to express the pain of being alone. And it has created the word "solitude" to express the glory of being alone.” (Theologian Paul Tillich)
Dr. Seuss seems to regard being alone as an unpleasant thing for most of us. On the other hand, Paul Tillich sees two sides to being alone. We want to focus our talk on solitude, which is intentional alone-ness. We don't want to take away from the idea of community. We are communal beings; God Himself, in the Trinity, is a communal being, and as we are made in His image we are also meant to be united with others. However, what you bring to the community is enriched by what you gain in solitude. But today we want to talk about the importance of solitude, which is different than being alone.
Coming to college often changes one's perceptions of solitude. Being alone can be intimidating, especially your first year. It may be the first time in your life that you are away from friends and family, and being alone may not always feel like a choice.
Personally, I've lived the life of an only child. My brother is twelve years older than me, so I was in first grade when he moved out. I've had times in my life where I have been constantly surrounded by other people, especially older people, and I sort of developed that only-child attitude of relating better to adults than to people my own age. There were also periods of my life where I was often alone, and it wasn't always a choice. My mom often worked late hours, and Dad was a farmer so sometimes he would work long days as well.
I saw college as a chance to never be alone and always be surrounded by others. A friend who graduated a year before me said she didn't like college because she felt like she could never get away from other people; I thought that sounded fantastic. Another influencing factor was when my freshman-year roommate told me she didn't want to be a "dorm rat." I thought that sounded horrible and I didn't want people to think of me that way. Especially when it came to the cafeteria--I never wanted to eat alone or let anyone see me eating alone, because then I would be a "loser" like I was in high school (according to myself). So I took the first friends I could find. Some of them were great choices, but sometimes I would act in ways around these people that made me very ashamed later. I would gossip about people I liked or talk about things that made me very uncomfortable in order to feel accepted.
Finally, I realized that I absolutely did not like who I was turning into. I decided that it was more important to be who I wanted to be, not the person I thought others would like. I slowly got over my fear of going to the cafeteria alone, but I still clung to people most of the time. I chose some new friends, and they were better choices for the most part.
Two major things last February changed my life drastically. During my service trip, or my SOUL trip (Serving Others United in Love), I did a lot of soul-searching. I changed and probably matured in huge ways in West Virginia. I learned not to be so judgmental and discovered my own values more closely. I kept a journal for the first time. And, that very same week, my parents moved from small-town southeastern Iowa to what I call a city near Rockford, Illinois (though it's much smaller than Rockford). I knew that being three hours away from my true home and five hours away from St. Mary's, it was going to be very hard to see any friends over breaks. That summer, indeed, I spent a lot of time alone. Most days were a combination of solitude and spending time with my dad.
Since I knew what was coming, I was very intentional about solitude and learned to really enjoy it. I worked about 2-3 hours a day, which wasn't much, so other than that, I would go to daily mass, go for walks in the beautiful canal park, and poke around in the garden. Although by the time the summer was over I was completely ready to go back to school, it was good, soul-searching time for me. I really began to know myself better, and I have completely become a new person.
Everyone has noticed the "new me." My family definitely loves it; according to Mom, I'm happier, more confident, and much more social (what? more social from being alone?). Not everyone loves it--a few people have not liked the changes, but I've come to understand that being myself is more important.
That's how I've come to know solitude, but why is it important? Two wise people offer their perspectives. My dad always says, "Are you thinking about what you're thinking about?" Paying attention to your thoughts and reading into them is an important way to come to know yourself better. Plato has said, "an unexamined life is not worth living." To me, it's very hard to examine your life if you fill it up so much with busyness that you never take a step back. As my partner in this talk says, spiritual growth depends on mental rest. You grow most as a person when you have these true encounters with yourself.
When you're alone, you aren't wearing any masks; you're not trying to impress anyone. There's no acting. You can develop a better sense of who you are when no one is looking. To me, prayer is the ideal way to reflect. Since God, being our creator, knows us better than we know ourselves, being in communication with Him is completely rewarding. However, not all solitude has to necessarily be prayer.
So how can this be done? I personally hate getting up early; I love sleeping and being in a warm, cozy bed. But getting up early and having prayer or alone time can be so rewarding. A friend of mine makes a habit of this; she says that even if she loses sleep to get up early, she feels more rested by giving herself this time than if she gets a full night's sleep. She is an immensely busy person, so for her, this rest is crucial. Journaling can help with this process; I don't use it very often unless I have something I feel like I absolutely must write about. However, I am a verbal thinker, so thinking out loud (or on paper, or on a blog) is one of the easiest ways to process my thoughts. I try not to text or listen to music while I do these things; for one, it doesn't feel like truly being alone; for another, it's best to remove all distractions.
Some of us may feel like we're constantly surrounded by others. Solitude doesn't mean being physically alone, and just as you can feel lonely in a crowd of people, you can also withdraw into yourself if you are around others. It's hard to do this at first, though. Saint Teresa of Avila once said, "You cannot pray at all times if you do not pray at specific times." Similarly, I believe that you cannot experience solitude around others if you never try to experience it truly being alone.
So, what are some places you can be alone? Ultimately that is something you will discover. A church or chapel is probably the most ideal place. Even if others are there, they are usually there for the same reason, so they will allow you to be with yourself. If you're at college, take advantage of times you can be in your room--being in your room doesn't make you a "dorm rat." Go to a restaurant or cafe alone, or go for a walk outside (depending on the weather and how you feel about it; don't be miserable.)
Now you know, at least what I think, is important about solitude. I hope you may have formed your own opinion or seen something that may fit into your life. Here is a song that we felt like applied well to what we said. It's called "Therapy" by Relient K. I'll provide a link to the song at the end of the post.
Thank you and have blessed solitude.
Lolly
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=WOMbDKU3tes - Therapy
This post is based on a talk I gave at a retreat recently. A very good friend of mine and I teamed up and gave this talk together, and I think it is one of the better ones I've ever done. I've never even heard of two people giving a talk together before, but we thought we would try it out. Ironically, it was about the importance of solitude--and we were doing it together. So this will be from my perspective, since I wouldn't feel comfortable giving her testimony (because, obviously, it's hers and not mine). I will, however, refer to the narrators in the plural first person, as the ideas are not solely mine but the themes we developed as a team.
So here we go: the importance of solitude.
"Fame! You’ll be famous as famous can be, with the whole wide world watching you win on TV.
Except when they don’t. Because, sometimes, they won’t.
I’m afraid that some times you’ll play lonely games too. Games you can’t win ‘cause you’ll play against you.
All Alone!
Whether you like it or not, Alone will be something you’ll be quite a lot.
And when you’re alone, there’s a very good chance you’ll meet things that scare you right out of your pants. There are some, down the road between hither and yon, that can scare you so much you won’t want to go on.
But on you will go though the weather be foul. On you will go though your enemies prowl. On you will go though the Hakken-Kraks howl. Onward up many a frightening creek, though your arms may get sore and your sneakers may leak. On and on you will hike. And I know you’ll hike far and face up to your problems whatever they are." (From "Oh, the Places You'll Go!" by Dr. Seuss)
“Language... has created the word "loneliness" to express the pain of being alone. And it has created the word "solitude" to express the glory of being alone.” (Theologian Paul Tillich)
Dr. Seuss seems to regard being alone as an unpleasant thing for most of us. On the other hand, Paul Tillich sees two sides to being alone. We want to focus our talk on solitude, which is intentional alone-ness. We don't want to take away from the idea of community. We are communal beings; God Himself, in the Trinity, is a communal being, and as we are made in His image we are also meant to be united with others. However, what you bring to the community is enriched by what you gain in solitude. But today we want to talk about the importance of solitude, which is different than being alone.
Coming to college often changes one's perceptions of solitude. Being alone can be intimidating, especially your first year. It may be the first time in your life that you are away from friends and family, and being alone may not always feel like a choice.
Personally, I've lived the life of an only child. My brother is twelve years older than me, so I was in first grade when he moved out. I've had times in my life where I have been constantly surrounded by other people, especially older people, and I sort of developed that only-child attitude of relating better to adults than to people my own age. There were also periods of my life where I was often alone, and it wasn't always a choice. My mom often worked late hours, and Dad was a farmer so sometimes he would work long days as well.
I saw college as a chance to never be alone and always be surrounded by others. A friend who graduated a year before me said she didn't like college because she felt like she could never get away from other people; I thought that sounded fantastic. Another influencing factor was when my freshman-year roommate told me she didn't want to be a "dorm rat." I thought that sounded horrible and I didn't want people to think of me that way. Especially when it came to the cafeteria--I never wanted to eat alone or let anyone see me eating alone, because then I would be a "loser" like I was in high school (according to myself). So I took the first friends I could find. Some of them were great choices, but sometimes I would act in ways around these people that made me very ashamed later. I would gossip about people I liked or talk about things that made me very uncomfortable in order to feel accepted.
Finally, I realized that I absolutely did not like who I was turning into. I decided that it was more important to be who I wanted to be, not the person I thought others would like. I slowly got over my fear of going to the cafeteria alone, but I still clung to people most of the time. I chose some new friends, and they were better choices for the most part.
Two major things last February changed my life drastically. During my service trip, or my SOUL trip (Serving Others United in Love), I did a lot of soul-searching. I changed and probably matured in huge ways in West Virginia. I learned not to be so judgmental and discovered my own values more closely. I kept a journal for the first time. And, that very same week, my parents moved from small-town southeastern Iowa to what I call a city near Rockford, Illinois (though it's much smaller than Rockford). I knew that being three hours away from my true home and five hours away from St. Mary's, it was going to be very hard to see any friends over breaks. That summer, indeed, I spent a lot of time alone. Most days were a combination of solitude and spending time with my dad.
Since I knew what was coming, I was very intentional about solitude and learned to really enjoy it. I worked about 2-3 hours a day, which wasn't much, so other than that, I would go to daily mass, go for walks in the beautiful canal park, and poke around in the garden. Although by the time the summer was over I was completely ready to go back to school, it was good, soul-searching time for me. I really began to know myself better, and I have completely become a new person.
Everyone has noticed the "new me." My family definitely loves it; according to Mom, I'm happier, more confident, and much more social (what? more social from being alone?). Not everyone loves it--a few people have not liked the changes, but I've come to understand that being myself is more important.
That's how I've come to know solitude, but why is it important? Two wise people offer their perspectives. My dad always says, "Are you thinking about what you're thinking about?" Paying attention to your thoughts and reading into them is an important way to come to know yourself better. Plato has said, "an unexamined life is not worth living." To me, it's very hard to examine your life if you fill it up so much with busyness that you never take a step back. As my partner in this talk says, spiritual growth depends on mental rest. You grow most as a person when you have these true encounters with yourself.
When you're alone, you aren't wearing any masks; you're not trying to impress anyone. There's no acting. You can develop a better sense of who you are when no one is looking. To me, prayer is the ideal way to reflect. Since God, being our creator, knows us better than we know ourselves, being in communication with Him is completely rewarding. However, not all solitude has to necessarily be prayer.
So how can this be done? I personally hate getting up early; I love sleeping and being in a warm, cozy bed. But getting up early and having prayer or alone time can be so rewarding. A friend of mine makes a habit of this; she says that even if she loses sleep to get up early, she feels more rested by giving herself this time than if she gets a full night's sleep. She is an immensely busy person, so for her, this rest is crucial. Journaling can help with this process; I don't use it very often unless I have something I feel like I absolutely must write about. However, I am a verbal thinker, so thinking out loud (or on paper, or on a blog) is one of the easiest ways to process my thoughts. I try not to text or listen to music while I do these things; for one, it doesn't feel like truly being alone; for another, it's best to remove all distractions.
Some of us may feel like we're constantly surrounded by others. Solitude doesn't mean being physically alone, and just as you can feel lonely in a crowd of people, you can also withdraw into yourself if you are around others. It's hard to do this at first, though. Saint Teresa of Avila once said, "You cannot pray at all times if you do not pray at specific times." Similarly, I believe that you cannot experience solitude around others if you never try to experience it truly being alone.
So, what are some places you can be alone? Ultimately that is something you will discover. A church or chapel is probably the most ideal place. Even if others are there, they are usually there for the same reason, so they will allow you to be with yourself. If you're at college, take advantage of times you can be in your room--being in your room doesn't make you a "dorm rat." Go to a restaurant or cafe alone, or go for a walk outside (depending on the weather and how you feel about it; don't be miserable.)
Now you know, at least what I think, is important about solitude. I hope you may have formed your own opinion or seen something that may fit into your life. Here is a song that we felt like applied well to what we said. It's called "Therapy" by Relient K. I'll provide a link to the song at the end of the post.
Thank you and have blessed solitude.
Lolly
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=WOMbDKU3tes - Therapy
Saturday, January 8, 2011
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